


In Defense of Reptiles (and Other Gross Things)

by rikke



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Hogwarts AU, Karasuno is Gryffindor, M/M, Seijou is Slytherin, abuse of footnotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 06:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6108559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikke/pseuds/rikke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In their seventh year, Oikawa is chosen to be the Hogwarts champion in the Triwizard Tournament, and Iwaizumi suffers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Defense of Reptiles (and Other Gross Things)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this super cute piece of fanart](http://gisu.tumblr.com/post/124376440855/first-yr-iwaoi-hp-au-they-end-up-in-slytherin-4)!

Iwaizumi is in the middle of cramming for his Charms exam when Oikawa drapes himself all over his library desk and nearly spills his ink. It is a testament to how little time he has that Iwaizumi only flicks him in the forehead and continues reading without looking up.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa begins to whine because he is a seventeen-year-old, 184cm toddler, and needs to be fed a steady diet of attention at all times. “Iwa-chan, you already know you’re going to fail that class because you aren’t charming at all.”

“I’m busy right now so do me a favor and throw yourself in the trash bin,” Iwaizumi says mildly.

“Rude,” Oikawa sniffs. “And to think I came all the way here first thing to tell you—well, first thing after finishing my bath and drying my hair because all of this,” he gestures to his face, “isn’t easy to keep up even with magic, you know, and—”

“The exam covers banishing charms and don’t think I won’t practice on you.” Iwaizumi flips to the next page.

“What did I do to deserve you as my best friend?” Oikawa complains, reaching across the table to tug at Iwaizumi’s uniform tie.

Iwaizumi slaps his hand away. “Remember our first year and how you cried the whole way on the train here until I promised I’d tell the Sorting Hat to put me in Slytherin with you?”

“There are things you don’t need to remember,” Oikawa says, and even without looking up, Iwaizumi knows he’s pouting. “Anyway, you’re lucky I did or you’d be in Gryffindor with Kageyama right now, and do you really want that? Do you?”

Iwaizumi gives up getting any studying done until Oikawa has been thoroughly indulged and sighs, leaning back in his chair. “What do you want?” he says, shoving his quill between the pages as a makeshift bookmark.

“I figured out the second clue!” Oikawa sings and holds out the golden egg he’d gotten after battling a dragon in the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament. The entire match, Iwaizumi had been torn between hexing the headmaster for allowing this, and jumping on his own broomstick to go help Oikawa.[1] The party Oikawa had thrown in the Slytherin dungeons after his success had been even bigger than the one he’d thrown when he’d first been chosen to be the Hogwarts Champion.[2]

When he didn’t immediately figure out the clue, Oikawa had taken to carrying the egg everywhere he went. Now, with just a week left before the Second Task, Iwaizumi had been getting worried.

“So what is it?” Iwaizumi asks, reaching for the egg and flipping it around in his hands.

“If you listened, Iwa-chan, you’d know I was in the bath—”

“The prefects’ bath that you don’t actually have permission to enter?” Iwaizumi says, because he’s the Slytherin prefect and not Oikawa—not that it’s stopped Oikawa from taking advantage.

“The prefects’ bathroom that _you_ gave me permission to use,” Oikawa says.

“That was one time,” Iwaizumi says. [3]

“Iwa-chan, you don’t even appreciate that amazing bathroom,” Oikawa says. “When was the last time you took a bath?” he demands. “ _And_ used the bubbles,” he adds when Iwaizumi begins to speak.

Iwaizumi revises his answer. “Not all of us feel the need to smell like a women’s perfume shop at all times.”

“The point is,” Oikawa raises a finger in the air, “I was taking a bath and the egg fell in, so naturally I dove in to get it, and that horrible screaming that comes out when you open it—it’s actually a song when you listen to it underwater,” he says. “Anyway, the Second Task’s going to be some kind of underwater race in the lake.” He leans back, looking pleased with himself. “You know there’re mermaids in there.” He props his chin up on his hand and tilts his head. “Do you think a beautiful mermaid will fall in love with me?”

“This is why you should have taken Care of Magical Creatures instead of Divination,” Iwaizumi tells him. “You know mermaids aren’t actually—”

“Don’t be jealous, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa taps him on the nose before dodging Iwaizumi’s swipe. “You’re still my favorite.”

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa are unusual even for Hogwarts, first, because they’re childhood friends who grow up together in the Muggle world to Muggle families, who are entirely unaware of the existence of the wizarding world until after they receive acceptance letters upon turning eleven.

Having two Muggle-born wizards who knew each other before coming to Hogwarts is rare enough, much less having them both sorted into Slytherin. But Iwaizumi and Oikawa are both talented at Quidditch, and after making the team in their second year and leading them to enough victories to earn the House Cup, they firmly cement their places in the house. By the time they’re in fifth year and Oikawa is made captain of the Quidditch team, and Iwaizumi, a prefect, no one is surprised.

When the Triwizard Tournament is announced in their seventh year, Iwaizumi is only a little disappointed that Oikawa has been chosen as champion instead of himself.[4] Of course, even with Oikawa as Hogwarts champion, he’s as much of a handful as he always is. In the course of the three months since the tournament started, Iwaizumi has had to bodily drag Oikawa away from flying practice or rehearsing spells in the Room of Requirement at ungodly hours of the night.

All things considered, Iwaizumi isn’t surprised when he’s summoned to Irihata’s office a day before the Second Task.

“Coach?” Iwaizumi says because apart from being the Head of Slytherin, Irihata is also coach of the Slytherin Quidditch team.

“Iwaizumi,” Irihata says. “Come in.”

Iwaizumi steps inside.

“I hear Oikawa has figured out the hint for the Second Task,” Irihata says.

Iwaizumi nods. “Yes sir,” he says. “Mermaids in the lake or something,” he answers. “We’ve been practicing that bubble charm so he can breath while he’s down there. Charms is his best subject so he should be fine.”

“That’s good, but it’s not…” Irihata looks wryly amused and shakes his head. “You don’t know why I’ve called you here?”

Irihata is a straightforward professor and coach, and Iwaizumi isn’t used to having to interpret anyone other than Oikawa’s unsaid words. “...no?” He scours his mind for anything unusual about the Triwizard Tournament, Oikawa, Quidditch practices, students he’s caught out on curfew, and comes up blank.

“Your name came out of the Goblet of Fire,” Irihata says.

Iwaizumi stares at him.

“As a hostage,” Irihata says and coughs. “Oikawa’s hostage.”

“What?” Iwaizumi says.

“You won’t be in any danger,” the coach says, and Iwaizumi has one brief moment thinking that even when he’s not involved, Oikawa still manages to drag him into trouble—

—and the next thing he knows, Iwaizumi is gasping for air and drenched and freezing, and he wonders whose genius idea it was to hold the Second Task in December, and if Oikawa catches hypothermia because of this, Iwaizumi will curse the headmaster himself.

“Stop struggling,” Oikawa says right in his ear, a puff of hot breath against cold skin, and Iwaizumi feels a pair of arms locked tight around his chest. “You’re heavy.”

Iwaizumi can hear his teeth chattering, and Oikawa has never been good at handling the cold. “I can swim,” he says and begins paddling to alleviate some of the burden.

Oikawa only loosens up once they get to shore, and the nurse casts heating charms on them both. He still hasn’t let go of Iwaizumi’s arm, though, and Iwaizumi can feel him shivering.

“Still cold?” Iwaizumi asks. “I’ll get you...what do you want? Tea? Hot cocoa? Butterbeer?” he offers because Oikawa still looks pale and not at all like he just finished first.

Oikawa’s eyes flicker up to his, and there’s an expression Iwaizumi has never seen on it before—trouble and anticipation and horror all at once.

“Oikawa, are you...are you okay?” Iwaizumi asks, concerned now. “What happened down there?”

“So when’s the wedding?” Hanamaki interrupts as he hands them both cups of hot cocoa with a smirk on his face. “Congrats on finishing first, by the way,” he adds.

“What?” Iwaizumi says dumbly, taking the mug from him.

“I call Iwaizumi’s best man,” Matsukawa declares and throws about five blankets on the two of them.

“Do we throw one stag party or two?” Hanamaki continues.

“What are you two going on about?” Iwaizumi says although he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to know.[5]

“Well, Iwaizumi, you’re apparently the thing Oikawa would ‘sorely miss,’” Hanamaki says and his grin widens. “You lucky dog, you.” He elbows Iwaizumi in the side.

“Shut up, Makki!” Oikawa snaps.

“You should have seen his face when he figured it out,” Hanamaki continues, ignoring him. “I thought he was going to kedavra the judges.”

“ _Makki!_ ” Oikawa shouts, struggling out of his blankets and trying to slap his hand over Hanamaki’s mouth.

Hanamaki ducks under his arms and shoves his face away. “He couldn’t even cast the bubble charm right and had to eat gilliweed, Iwaizumi,” he says. “You got our grand king to eat actual weeds for—”

“I have to go! Right now!” Oikawa apparently gives up trying to shut up Hanamaki and sprints for the school instead, face bright red.

“You’re not going to wait for the results?” Iwaizumi asks, but Oikawa’s already out of earshot.

Matsukawa props his elbow up on Iwaizumi’s shoulder and grins. “Congratulations on the new boyf.”

“I hate you all,” Iwaizumi says.

 

* * *

 

In their sixth year, Oikawa breaks into Iwaizumi’s prefect room on Christmas morning to present him with a large box that emits vaguely ominous scraping noises.

“Open it! Open it, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa demands, climbing on top of Iwaizumi and shoving the box onto his stomach.

“It’s Christmas,” Iwaizumi groans. “It’s too early for this.”

“Christmas is when you wake up early to open presents,” Oikawa says. “Now open!” he insists until Iwaizumi shoves him off the bed.

Iwaizumi finally sits up and squints at Oikawa who is pouting at him on the floor.

“You are such a brute,” Oikawa says. “You totally match your present.”

Iwaizumi finally tears open the paper to find, “My old Godzilla action figure?” He blinks down into the box where indeed, his old toy is standing, but not just standing—the toy is clawing at the edges of the cardboard box, and growls at Iwaizumi when it realizes it’s being watched. “Did you do this? You charmed it?” Iwaizumi reaches into the box and immediately withdraws his hand again when a 50cm-size Godzilla tries to bite his fingers off. “How did you do it? That’s advanced magic!”

Oikawa’s eyes widen, and then he’s beaming at Iwaizumi as he crawls back up on the bed. “I’m brilliant, after all,” he preens under the praise.

“Wait, does that mean…”

They spend all morning constructing buildings out of cardboard, and it’s the most fun Iwaizumi has had since he was seven watching a tiny Godzilla destroy a cardboard city in his room.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi is convinced that all joking aside, no one actually thinks he and Oikawa are a thing, because well, who else would Oikawa miss anyway.[6] He’s wrong.

Apparently, the entire school now thinks he does unspeakable things to Oikawa in his private room. While yes, Oikawa has an uncanny way of figuring out Iwaizumi’s password within minutes of him setting a new one, and while he does come in to Oikawa napping on his bed or touching his things possibly more often than he doesn’t,[7] the worst thing that has ever happened in Iwaizumi’s room is the time Iwaizumi rearranges some of Oikawa’s various beauty products that have made their way to his room, and long story short, Oikawa ends up with a giant pimple on his nose that doesn’t go away for a week.[8]

The number of Oikawa’s fangirls asking him to the Yule Ball have doubled, because apparently, even the shyest of them has nothing to lose now that they’re convinced Iwaizumi is out to steal Oikawa’s manly virginity.

He’s pretty sure Hanamaki and Matsukawa are the prime culprits of the rumors, which is confirmed when he catches them cornering poor Kindaichi before Quidditch practice.

“We know you want to ask Iwaizumi to the Yule Ball, Kindaichi, but he’s now a taken man,” Hanamaki is saying.

“I wasn’t—”

“You can do much better than Iwaizumi.” Matsukawa pats his shoulder sympathetically.

“Would you two stop harassing Kindaichi and help me find Oikawa?” Iwaizumi slaps them both upside the head.

Kindaichi blushes to the roots of his hair. “Iwa-Iwaizu—”

“They’re being idiots, Kindaichi. Ignore them,” Iwaizumi tells him. “Have you seen Oikawa? If he’s late for practice because he’s getting another confession, I swear to god—”

“Your jealousy is showing,” Hanamaki says.

“Um, Ushijima from Durmstrang came to talk to him,” Kindaichi says. “They were heading for the bleachers.”

Iwaizumi stops fantasizing unfortunate flying accidents for Hanamaki and Matsukawa and takes off for the bleachers with a sense of impending doom sitting low in his stomach. When the Durmstrang students came a few months ago, the first thing Ushijima Wakatoshi said to Oikawa was that he was a good Quidditch player and should have come to Durmstrang.[9] This was particularly biting because everyone knows Ushijima has already been scouted for a professional team, and Iwaizumi had barely restrained Oikawa in time to keep him from hexing his eyebrows off.

Iwaizumi is still picturing the bodily harm Oikawa may have inflicted on Ushijima when he circles around the bleachers to find the Durmstrang champion with Oikawa—not dueling, but confessing.

“Are you here to challenge me to a duel, Ushiwaka-chan?” Oikawa says with a poisonous sneer. “Because if you are, I’ll make sure you can never sit on a broomstick again.”

“My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi,” Ushijima says.

“Whatever, Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa snaps.

“You should go to the Yule Ball with me,” Ushijima says.

The look of surprise that flickers of Oikawa’s face echoes Iwaizumi’s own. “You,” he says. “You’re asking me to go to the Yule Ball,” he says. “With you.”

“Yes, that is what I said.” Ushijima takes a step closer. “I know it may be unusual for two champions to attend together, but—”

“This is a joke,” Oikawa says.

Ushijima frowns. “I did not tell any jokes,” he says.

“You actually think I would go to the ball with _you?_ ” Oikawa ends in a shriek. “I’d rather date the Dark Lord himself!”

Iwaizumi isn’t aware he’s tense until it slides out of his shoulders, even if the very thought of Oikawa going to the ball with Ushijima is laughable.

“Oi, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi says as both champions turn toward him. “You’re late for practice.”

Oikawa actually throws himself at Iwaizumi with so much enthusiasm and such a look of relief on his face that Iwaizumi pats him on the back twice instead of throwing him off. “Iwa-chan, I hate him so much, can we please murder him?” he says, breath warm against Iwaizumi’s neck. “If I challenge him to a duel, you’ll be my second, right? I want to cover him in warts or transfigure him into a cow or both. Can we please make him a warty cow?”

“I wish,” Iwaizumi says. “But the judges might consider that cheating and you’d lose the tournament.”

Oikawa sighs, and he feels the tension bleed out of Oikawa before he finally uncurls from Iwaizumi’s shoulder to point at Ushijima. “We’re going to get scouted and beat your team, Ushiwaka!” he declares. “And then I’m going to tell you, you should have come to Hogwarts!”

“I apologize,” Ushijima says and gives a stiff little nod—not toward Oikawa, but Iwaizumi. “I was unaware that you were in a relationship.”

“What,” Iwaizumi says.

“Go away, Ushiwaka! No one wants you here!” Oikawa says, dragging Iwaizumi behind him and back toward the fields. “We’re going to practice! Practice!”

If Oikawa’s voice is a little too high and his face red as he drags Iwaizumi back to the fields, he’s normal again by the time they rejoin the rest of the team, so Iwaizumi thinks it’s okay to say, “So you even have guys confessing to you now, huh? Are you sure you don’t want to go to Durmstrang?” He grins.

“Ugh, don’t even joke about that,” Oikawa gags.

 

* * *

 

In fifth year, Oikawa becomes the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, and Iwaizumi is made a new prefect. The bonus to their new positions is that they now have permission to be outside of dorm rooms after curfew.

The first night in their new positions, Iwaizumi realizes he hasn’t seen Oikawa since dinner time, and searches all over the castle until he finds Oikawa doing laps out at the Quidditch field beneath the starlight.

He watches Oikawa’s perfect form as he zips from one end of the field to the other, and listens as his friend lets out a light, carefree laugh. Then Iwaizumi mounts his own broom and flies up to join him.

Oikawa’s eyes sparkle when he sees Iwaizumi has joined him, and he darts away as Iwaizumi flies up to him.

“Oh, you want to race?” Iwaizumi shouts into the wind.

“Beating you is hardly a challenge, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa sings and his laugh trickles into the night sky as he zips by Iwaizumi again.

Iwaizumi grins as he urges his broom faster, rewarded with a startled yelp when he tugs the tail of Oikawa’s broom, and then passes him. “Who’s beating who?”

“Cheater!” Oikawa shouts, but he’s grinning too as he speeds past Iwaizumi again.

They play, doing loops and dives, alive with the thrill of freedom, into the wee hours of the night, and end up lying on the roof of Gryffindor tower, snickering about how Daichi Sawamura would react if he knew they were up there.

Oikawa carves his initials into one of the tiles. “Oikawa has been here!” he announces when he’s finished.

“Minus five points for desecration of school property,” Iwaizumi says and watches as Oikawa carves Iwaizumi’s initials in next to his own.

“Suga’s the new Gryffindor prefect right? If he catches us, I can say you made me do it,” Oikawa says brightly. “Five points for upholding Slytherin house pride.” He rolls onto his back and looks up at the sky.

“That’s a rare genuine smile from you,” Iwaizumi says when he sees the happy expression on Oikawa’s face.

“Rude,” Oikawa says. “My smile is always pure. Look at the stars, Iwa-chan, they’re so clear tonight. We could do this every night now!”

“We’re not going UFO-hunting,” Iwaizumi tells him.

“Iwa-chan, you also didn’t believe in dragons when we were little, and if those are real, aliens might be for all you know,” Oikawa says and points up at the stars again. “Look, you can see the draco constellation!”

“They just look like stars,” Iwaizumi says, but follows Oikawa’s finger as he points out the line of the constellation.

“See, it starts with the y Dra star there, circles around like a head here, curls up and then down to the tail right there.” Oikawa’s voice is soft as he traces a curved line in the sky.

“That’s hardly a dragon,” Iwaizumi says, squinting at it. “It looks more like a snake.”

“You have no imagination,” Oikawa sighs dramatically. “Dragons don’t all look like Godzilla, you know.”

Iwaizumi reaches over to pinch Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Rude _and_ mean,” Oikawa says and pouts until Iwaizumi rubs the spot where he pinched him. Oikawa lets out a sigh and presses up against his side.

“You are so spoiled,” Iwaizumi tells him, but lets him shuffle down until Iwaizumi’s hand is now running through Oikawa’s hair instead of rubbing his shoulder.

“You’re the one spoiling me,” Oikawa says.

Iwaizumi smiles. “I should really stop,” he says but he doesn’t.

 

* * *

 

It isn’t until they’re a week away from the Yule Ball, and Oikawa apparently still doesn’t have a date that Iwaizumi starts to get worried.

“He’s not getting depressed again, is he?” He finds himself dragging Hanamaki and Matsukawa into an empty classroom after Care of Magical Creatures, which is the one class they have together and not with Oikawa.[10] “It’s not like there’s a lack of girls asking him to go,” he says. “But he still doesn’t have a date, and we’re a week out, and he can’t show up to the Yule Ball without a date,” he says. “Literally. He’s our champion.”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchange a look before they each put a hand on one of Iwaizumi’s shoulders.

Hanamaki takes a deep breath, and Iwaizumi braces himself for either some hard and heavy truth or else utter bullshit. He lets out the breath. “I can’t do it,” he says. “You tell him,” he says to Matsukawa.

Matsukawa shakes his head. “Okay, you know those rumors that have been going around?” he says.

“Which rumors?” Iwaizumi says because Hogwarts isn’t a huge school, and there are at least a couple dozen rumors going around at all times.

“The ones about you and Oikawa and a broom in the Quidditch locker room,” Matsukawa says. “Or about you and Oikawa and the prefects’ bath,” he says. “Or the one about you and Oikawa and—”

“I got it!” Iwaizumi shouts to shut him up. “And I know you’re the ones spreading them.”

“You wound me.” Hanamaki puts his free hand on his chest. “I would never spread untrue rumors about my best friends. True ones, though…”

Iwaizumi massages his brow. “Will you two just tell me what’s wrong with Oikawa?”

Matsukawa sighs. “Okay, since you need it spelled out, Oikawa has someone he likes. And he’s waiting to be asked by him.” He gives Iwaizumi a significant look. “So if you really don’t want to go with him, you should maybe tell him soon so he can find someone else to go with.”

Because for all that the school has joked about it since the lake incident, Iwaizumi never considered it a possibility—a real, actual possibility—and then he remembers the way Oikawa’s knuckles were white clutched around his shoulders in the lake, and the expression on his face after Iwaizumi saw him with Ushijima, and oh. _Oh._

Iwaizumi turns and walks out of the classroom.

“Don’t forget to use protection!” Hanamaki calls behind him.

 

* * *

 

In fourth year, Hanamaki and Matsukawa find the Marauder’s Map and come back from Hogsmeade with what looks like the entire stock of butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks and half of Honeydukes' inventory. The ensuing mess in the Slytherin common room goes down in history, and Iwaizumi ends up under an Invisibility Cloak with Oikawa while they pass a butterbeer between them.

“Look at Kyoutani,” Oikawa giggles and prods Iwaizumi in the side.

Iwaizumi squirms away but looks anyway in time to see Kyoutani actually transfigure into… “A dog?” Iwaizumi blinks. “Kyoutani knows transfiguration?”

“I think he’s an illegal Animagus,” Oikawa says, smug. “I _told_ you someone snuck a dog in the dorms.”

“That’s not sneaking a dog in. He’s an actual dog,” Iwaizumi says. “Who else knows?”

“Well, everyone in Slytherin now,” Oikawa says. “Hey, if I were an Animagus, what do you think I’d be?”

“A cockroach,” Iwaizumi answers immediately. “A pest that’s impossible to get rid of.”

Oikawa pushes Iwaizumi until he almost falls out from the cloak. “Rude,” he says. “Well, Iwa-chan would be a rock. An ugly rock that is as hard as your uncouth heart.”

“That’s not even an animal,” Iwaizumi says.

“Exactly,” Oikawa sniffs, but forgets about it the next instant as he snags a chocolate frog that leaps by them. He eats half and then presses the other to Iwaizumi’s lips, ignoring his protests that he doesn’t want chocolate, until he shoves it in. “Iwa-chan, do you know what day it is?” he asks.

Iwaizumi thinks for a moment. “Thursday?” he says.

“Valentine’s Day,” Oikawa corrects him and yawns, putting his head down against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “Guess how many girls confessed to me?” he says. “So many,” he answers on his own. “So, so many girls. Because I, Oikawa Tooru, am super cute and charming.”

“Are they all first years? Because anyone who’s known you for more than a week knows that’s not true,” Iwaizumi says.

“But I didn’t say yes to any of them,” Oikawa continues, and twists until he’s peering at Iwaizumi. “Not even one.”

“Good for you?” Iwaizumi says after a moment.

It’s apparently not the right answer because Oikawa looks disappointed and then grabs the butterbeer from Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache, one puddle of drool on his stomach where Oikawa’s head is pillowed, and another puddle of drool on his right arm where Kyoutani-in-dog-form is curled.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi walks out of the classroom and right into Oikawa who lets out a squawk of surprise. Less than thirty seconds ago, Iwaizumi has come to the realization that his best friend since they were three years old possibly wants to be asked to the Yule Ball by him, and he is so not ready for this conversation.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says, trying to peer behind him into the classroom. “What were you doing in there? Are you hiding a secret girlfriend from me?”

“What? No,” Iwaizumi says, picking a random direction and letting Oikawa fall into step beside him. Oikawa’s shoulders relax just a tiny bit, and Iwaizumi is so fucked because Matsukawa and Hanamaki are right. And the worst part is that the revelation doesn’t even surprise Iwaizumi so much as it simply puts into words what has always been true.

“So…” Oikawa says, too light to be genuinely casual, “have you asked anyone to the Yule Ball yet?”

“No,” Iwaizumi says and takes a breath. “But I’m about to.”

He sees Oikawa freeze up beside him, but figures he deserves it because Oikawa could have done the asking, but of course, he’s acted weird for weeks and let Iwaizumi worry about him instead.

“Oh,” Oikawa says. “Who’s the lucky—” He breaks off with an utterly wretched look on his face. Iwaizumi remembers when they were four and he fell out of a tree, and Oikawa had cried even though Iwaizumi was the one with scraped knees. “Who’s the lucky girl?”

“You,” Iwaizumi says.

He can see the exact moment Oikawa processes the word, and he blinks owlishly at Iwaizumi, eyes pink around the edges. “What?”

“Will you go to the Yule Ball with me?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Are you serious, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa says, voice weak and watery, and it’s too late—his eyes are already spilling with great, fat tears, and Iwaizumi is obligated to gather him into his arms.

“You are so ugly when you cry,” Iwaizumi says, rubbing a hand down Oikawa’s back, and feels Oikawa stiffen all over before he pushes hard at Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“You are so mean to me,” Oikawa complains into Iwaizumi’s neck. “That was the least romantic asking out I’ve ever gotten!”

“But you’re still going to the Yule Ball with me,” Iwaizumi says, laughing, as he pulls Oikawa’s arm from around his neck to take his hand and pull him down the hallway, because Oikawa’s crying face really is ugly and he absolutely will not forgive Iwaizumi if he lets the whole school see him like this.

 

* * *

 

“I take it back,” Iwaizumi says for the third time that day as Oikawa trashes his room in the name of finding appropriate robes for him to wear. “I’m not going to the ball at all.”

“Iwa-chan, you wouldn’t want me to actually go with Ushiwaka, would you?” Oikawa says and continues throwing spare robes onto Iwaizumi’s bed—half of which Iwaizumi is pretty sure belong to Oikawa because during the course of the year, Oikawa has been coming over so often that he’s probably moved half his trunk in by now. “Your beloved, adorable boyfriend. Dancing with Ushiwaka.”

“I couldn't pay you to do it,” Iwaizumi says, tipping his chair back on its hind legs to prop his feet up on his desk. He flips through the N.E.W.T.s study guide in his lap.

“True,” Oikawa says. “But there’s still a million girls who want to go with me,” he says. “Do you really want me to dance with a girl in front of the whole school?”

“Actually yes,” Iwaizumi says. “I don’t want to dance at all.”

Oikawa lowers the robe he’s been eyeing to pout at Iwaizumi, complete with wobbling lips and big eyes. “It’s our first date together,” he says. “As a couple.”

Iwaizumi ignores him in favor of watching his Godzilla and the miniature animated Antipodean Opaleye dragon that Oikawa got from the First Task that has now become a permanent resident of Iwaizumi’s room.[11] Godzilla and the Opaleye are play-fighting on Iwaizumi’s desk, and he watches as Godzilla takes a swipe at the Opaleye who takes an awkward little leap in the air before circling around its head, huffing.

“Yeah, but neither of us knows how to dance,” Iwaizumi says, and then quickly grabs his homework scrolls from the desk to save them when the Opaleye shoots a thin stream of flames at Godzilla. “Behave,” he orders them, and he could swear the Opaleye sniffs at him before drifting back down to the desk to sit on its hind legs.

“I do so know how to dance,” Oikawa says and throws the robe at Iwaizumi who catches it.

Iwaizumi laughs. “I’ve seen you do what you call a dance, Oikawa,” he says. “And that is not dancing.”

Oikawa groans, which is all the warning Iwaizumi gets to drop both homework and robe before Oikawa flings himself at Iwaizumi this time. “You’re right, Iwa-chan,” he says, making a face. “What will I do? No one expects you to be any good at dancing, but I’m the champion of Hogwarts,” he says and waves his hand. “I’m supposed to be perfect.”

Iwaizumi laughs and lets Oikawa get comfortable on his lap. Oikawa is slouched so he can be at eye-level with Iwaizumi, apparently to give him the full effect of his pout.

They’ve been together for two days counting now, but it may as well have been their entire lives, so Iwaizumi thinks why not. He sees a flash of Oikawa’s pretty brown eyes widening right before he kisses him. Oikawa’s lips are soft and warm and taste like the sweet mint chapstick he has no shame about carrying everywhere, and the little sigh Oikawa lets out when they part makes Iwaizumi want to dive in all over again. Instead, he pulls Oikawa closer and says, “It’s just you and me. It’ll be fine.”

He’s treated to a smile—all warm, crinkled eyes—the type Iwaizumi’s sure he’ll never get tired of seeing. Then Oikawa gives him a hard shove back. “That was our first kiss!”

“Huh,” Iwaizumi says. “I guess so…”

“What do you mean you guess so?” Oikawa says, sounding personally offended. “And you did it while we’re here in your bedroom and everything’s a mess!”

“The mess is your fault, Trashkawa,” Iwaizumi says.

“That was so not romantic,” Oikawa mourns. “Dating you was the worst idea ever.”

Iwaizumi flicks him in the forehead. “You can still go to the ball alone, you know,” he says and hushes Oikawa’s whining with another kiss.

 

* * *

 

In third year, an upperclassman tells Iwaizumi rumors about a hidden basilisk in the girls’ toilet on the second floor. Iwaizumi has just enough manly pride to resist temptation, but apparently, Oikawa doesn’t have such silly hangups as he tells Iwaizumi when he gives him a huge fang for Christmas that year.

“It’s the real thing,” Oikawa says, looking between the fang and Iwaizumi’s face. “The basilisk is dead now, obviously, but I still found this, and a bunch of shed skin.”

“Wow,” Iwaizumi says, running his hand along the old tooth. “And it was really in the girls’ toilets?”

“It didn’t take that long to get in the secret passage with Moaning Myrtle’s help,” he tells Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi stops inspecting the fang, long and curved and beautiful, to look suspiciously at Oikawa. “You didn’t,” he says. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

Oikawa bats his eyelashes. “My charm and sharp wit don’t just extend to the living, Iwa-chan.” He winks.[12]

“I bet the only reason no one’s killed you yet is because you might come back as a ghost and then they’d have to suffer you for all eternity,” Iwaizumi says.

“Rude and ungrateful,” Oikawa says. “Do you know how long I had to flirt with her to get her to tell me how to get in?” he says and then makes grabby hands at him. “Where’s my present?”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and tosses him a package with the broom polishing kit Oikawa has drooled over for the last six months that has also taken Iwaizumi that long to save up for. It’s worth the squeal of delight he gets when Oikawa opens it.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi suffers through an hour of Oikawa fussing over him because he has to spell every wrinkle out of Iwaizumi’s robes and do something about his hair. Then Oikawa locks himself in the prefects’ bathroom for three hours, much to the annoyance of the other prefects.

But whatever Oikawa spends three hours doing is worth it because he looks perfect when he appears in the hall by Iwaizumi’s side seconds before the entrance. He’s tall and handsome and looks every bit like a charm come to life in human form in his black robes and green tie.

“So what do you think?” Oikawa asks, a bit breathless as he smooths down his robes again, and then glances back at Iwaizumi, shy.

“You look beautiful,” Iwaizumi says before his brain-to-mouth filter kicks in.

A startled look flashes over Oikawa’s face before it settles into a soft smile so sweet that Iwaizumi makes a mental note he should compliment Oikawa more often.

Iwaizumi holds his arm out to indulge Oikawa just this once, and Oikawa is still beaming at him when he takes it.

They make a total fool of themselves dancing in front of the whole school, and Iwaizumi’s pretty sure he’s seen at least two of Oikawa’s fangirls burst into tears. They do, however, manage to stomp on Ushijima’s feet three times in passing, so all things considering, it’s not the worst way the evening could have gone. Iwaizumi later revises this opinion when Matsukawa hands him five condoms and tells him morning sickness won’t help Oikawa win the Triwizard Tournament.[13] Hanamaki tells Iwaizumi to take it easy on Oikawa because he still has to fly. The worst is when he catches Ushijima handing Oikawa a jar of lotion that should help with—at this point, Iwaizumi develops selective hearing and a sudden need for alcoholic beverage.

After that, though, Iwaizumi starts to wonder if maybe Oikawa expects them to do it that night too. It’s not like Iwaizumi doesn’t want him, but they’ve only been together a week, and this seems a little fast even for them. He finds himself watching Oikawa all night, and by the time they’re heading back to the dungeons, Iwaizumi is doing mental rochambeau as to whether or not he should take Oikawa back to his room.

He’s so distracted that he doesn’t notice they’re already at his room before Oikawa is telling the plant statue, “I want to believe” and striding through his open door.

“That isn’t even my password,” Iwaizumi says as he follows Oikawa through.

“Well your plant disagrees if it let us in,” Oikawa says, smug. He pulls his dress robe off and spells it to hang itself in the closet before throwing himself onto Iwaizumi’s bed. “You’re thinking too much, Iwa-chan,” he says as he kicks his shoes off the side of the bed, and Iwaizumi remembers this is the Oikawa who he has killed dozens of spiders for, and who has risked house elf wrath to steal chicken soup for him from the kitchens the last time Iwaizumi got sick.

Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa’s white ankle when he kicks a sock into Iwaizumi’s face, and tickles the soles of his feet until Oikawa is shrieking and almost falls off the bed.

“You are the worst boyfriend,” Oikawa tells him later, breathless and still giggling, as Iwaizumi switches off the light.

Godzilla complains by the side of the bed until Iwaizumi reaches over to pull it up onto the bed, and is amused to see the Opaleye curl up together with it at the foot of the bed. He crawls up after them, careful not to disturb them.

“Would the worst boyfriend do this?” Iwaizumi says. He’s been practicing and planned to save this for when Oikawa wins the Triwizard Tournament, but he’s filled with a sudden surge of affection for him. He concentrates on the new charm, and uses his wand to shoot up to his dark ceiling and conjure up little pricks of light, placing them one by one in the darkness.

“Oh my god, no wonder you failed Divination. You don’t even know what the Big Dipper looks like,” Oikawa complains. “No, the North star goes there,” he says and gets his wand out to move the conjured stars to their correct positions.

Iwaizumi lets Oikawa fix all his constellations until they’re up to Oikawa’s space nerd perfectionism. Then, after making a murmur of satisfaction, Oikawa slips his hand into Iwaizumi’s.

“Better?” he asks.

“Much,” Oikawa sniffs. “How are you so bad at this?”

“I can’t see the pictures,” Iwaizumi says. “What’s the dragon one again?”

Oikawa lets out an offended gasp. “How is it not obvious? Look,” he says.

And the night of the Yule Ball, they spend lying on Iwaizumi’s bed, looking at a conjured galaxy while Oikawa traces every constellation and talks until words become mumbles and then peaceful sleep.

 

* * *

 

In their second year, Iwaizumi and Oikawa make the Quidditch team together as regulars. Iwaizumi is a Chaser, and Oikawa is their star Seeker. Iwaizumi remembers their first official game, and spiking the Quaffle through a hoop the first time, and then a second time. He hears the rush of blood in his ears as he dodges a Bludgeon and then a Gryffindor Beater coming after him at full speed.

He vaguely registers the announcer shouting commentary about goals and points as he pitches down the field at full speed, aiming for another goal. The rush of adrenaline is fantastic when he scores yet a third goal.

Then there’s a roar from the stadiums down below so loud that Iwaizumi pauses, Quaffle in hand.

He looks up at the sky and see Oikawa’s whole body, a sleek shadow against the sun, hand-outstretched and fingers clutched tight around the Golden Snitch.

And in the next moment, Iwaizumi has dropped the Quaffle and is rushing just in time to hold his arms out and catch Oikawa as he overbalances and falls off his broom. Iwaizumi’s legs ache from being locked around his broom so tight and his arms throb from the impact when Oikawa landed, but Oikawa is smiling so wide in his arms, still holding his Snitch, that Iwaizumi can’t even bring himself to give the scolding Oikawa deserves.

“We won,” Oikawa breathes.

“You could have _died_ ,” Iwaizumi says, and feels like he can’t catch his breath and not sure if it’s because it’s because the words are true or because of the way Oikawa’s hair feels tickling his chin as he slowly flies them down to the ground.

“But you caught me,” Oikawa says.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi says.

 

* * *

 

Because it’s months before the last task, and it’s their last year, all of Iwaizumi’s time is taken up by studying for the N.E.W.T.s. While he’s pretty sure Oikawa will be scouted for professional Quidditch by one of the many teams who have kept an eye on him since he became the Slytherin Seeker, Iwaizumi knows there’s a low chance he’ll get an offer, much less for the same team as Oikawa. And that means he’s got to score well on the N.E.W.T.s if he ever wants a job as a dragonologist, which he has been considering since he discovered they existed, and much more seriously once he saw actual dragons during the First Task.

Between studying and dating Oikawa,[14] Iwaizumi forgets all about the Third Task until suddenly the hedges covering the Quidditch field are grown and full of all sorts of things designed to kill Oikawa. Iwaizumi decides the best way to handle the stress is by practicing Defense Against the Dark Arts with Oikawa in the Room of Requirement in all their spare time, and trying to drill into his head how to handle everything from boggarts to Acromantulas.[15]

“Do you think I could get away with hexing Ushiwaka in there?” Oikawa asks as they gather for final prep before the task begins.

“They did say anything is allowed as long as you get the goblet,” Iwaizumi says thoughtfully. “But concentrate on getting the cup first. You can hex Ushijima after you win.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” Oikawa says. He tugs Iwaizumi closer, and Iwaizumi goes willingly.

He wants to kiss Oikawa, but the entire school is watching, so he just squeezes Oikawa’s hand where it’s hidden between their robes. “You can do this,” he says, and then goes to sit in the stands with Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

All things considering, the Third Task is incredibly boring to watch because all they do is sit and stare at the hedge for the next three hours, while Iwaizumi talks himself down from grabbing his broom and hunting Oikawa down to bring him to safety every thirty seconds.

Then there’s a loud band and all three champions are abruptly back at the entrance.

It takes a moment of confusion where everyone is craning to see who has the cup. Then Ushijima is raising the golden goblet above his head, and Durmstrang explodes into cheers. Iwaizumi barely notices because he can see Oikawa standing a little behind Ushijima, head bowed and fist clenched around his wand.

 

* * *

 

That night, Iwaizumi’s the one who pulls Oikawa into his room, and he gathers Oikawa up against him on the bed as Oikawa sobs hideous, ugly tears against him.

 

* * *

 

In first year, Oikawa makes Iwaizumi take Divination with him, and two minutes into their first class, Iwaizumi already regrets it. The attic is stifling, the tea they’re forced to drink tastes awful, and the tea grounds just look like soggy leaves.

“I see a snake,” Oikawa says, peering into his own cup.

“Let me see,” the professor says, looking at Oikawa’s cup. “Very good,” she says. “That means you’re ambitious, clever, and graceful, and,” she pauses for effect, “the snake is a sign of divination itself. You have a gift, Oikawa.”

Oikawa turns to Iwaizumi, excited. “Did you hear that, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi absolutely agrees that Oikawa is ambitious, and obviously clever, because he managed to con Iwaizumi into signing up for this class, and everyone knows he’s beauty and grace down to the tips of his slender, almond-shaped fingernails. Divination, though, Iwaizumi doubts.

He flicks Oikawa in the nose and is rewarded with an offended squawk. “What was that for?” Oikawa says.

“You didn’t see that coming in your future,” Iwaizumi says.

“You are such a brute,” Oikawa complains. “But I could have told you that without divination.”

“I don’t think divination is even a real thing,” Iwaizumi says and squints down at his own cup. “This just looks like shit. Actual shit.”

Oikawa grins. “You know what that says about you, Iwa-chan?”

“Can you divine when I’m going to dump these tea leaves on your head?” Iwaizumi says.

“Rude,” Oikawa says and grabs his cup. “This looks like a heart, Iwa-chan. A heart for the true love you have for me,” he sings.

Iwaizumi snorts. “Kill me if that prophecy ever comes true,” he says. “Gross.”

 

* * *

 

Three weeks later, Oikawa still hasn’t recovered from the loss, or maybe it’s something else, because he’s taken to charming away the redness in his eyes in the mornings, and he picks at his food during mealtimes, and even his flying seems lackluster on the field. He brushes Iwaizumi off every time he tries to say something, but Oikawa denies it has anything to do with the Third Task.

When Oikawa fails to break into Iwaizumi’s room three days running, Iwaizumi finally tracks him down on the Quidditch pitch at midnight the day before the first of the N.E.W.T. exams. Oikawa is doing mindless laps at breakneck speed, and Iwaizumi almost has a heart attack when he begins to tip off the broom, but he straightens himself and pulls to safety on the ground.

Iwaizumi drags him off his broom before he’s full landed and begins marching him off the field.

“What the hell are you thinking?” Iwaizumi shouts at him. “I am going to kill you if I don’t pass my N.E.W.T.s due to sleep deprivation and stress!”

“Then just leave me alone,” Oikawa says, petulant, as he stumbles along behind Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi is tempted to grab his idiot boyfriend by the shoulders and shake him as hard as he can, and he’s proud of the amount of self-restraint he shows by not giving in. He slows to a stop halfway back to school, and Oikawa walks into him before he takes a step back and stares down at his shoes.

Iwaizumi turns. “You’ve been sulking since the tournament,” he says and tries to get a look at Oikawa’s face, but he keeps turning so Iwaizumi can’t. “Just tell me what’s wrong,” he says and finally reaches for Oikawa’s free hand. His fingers are cold and thin in Iwaizumi’s grip and he automatically rubs his knuckles to warm him up. “Please, Oikawa.”

Oikawa looks away but finally mumbles something quiet enough that Iwaizumi can’t hear.

“What?” Iwaizumi says.

“I said I got scouted, all right?” Oikawa snaps. “It happened right after the Third Task.”

Iwaizumi remembers seeing reporters out there and other random spectators, because the Triwizard Tournament is an international competition, after all, and it makes sense that scouts would have come too.

“That’s...that’s great,” Iwaizumi says, because it really is. Playing pro has been Oikawa’s dream since they discovered Quidditch together in first year. “As Seeker, right? Which team?”

Oikawa’s hands twitch in Iwaizumi’s. “It’s not great,” he says. “You’re going to take the N.E.W.T.s and go study dragons in, I don’t know, Romania or something, and we’ll probably be on completely different continents, and I…” He yanks his hand out of Iwaizumi’s and clutches his broom, biting his lip and looking away.

Iwaizumi remembers the time in third year when Kageyama got accepted to Hogwarts and immediately made the Gryffindor team. During their first game, the genius Seeker caught the Snitch within two minutes of the game starting. Iwaizumi had known something was wrong that time too, but not how bad until he went to Quidditch practice one afternoon, and Coach Irihata told them Oikawa was in the hospital wing due to falling off his broom in the middle of the night when he’d been sneaking out to practice in secret. Iwaizumi doesn’t remember running through the halls, but he remembers standing by Oikawa’s bed and seeing how thin and brittle he looked with his knee wrapped in a bandage. That was the first time he promised himself he would take care of Oikawa for the rest of his life because apparently Oikawa wouldn’t do it himself.

Iwaizumi takes a step back, and is treated to a single look of lost confusion, before he headbutts Oikawa hard, and Oikawa goes flying backwards. Blood immediately starts trickling from one nostril as Oikawa claps a hand to his face and stares, wide-eyed, at Iwaizumi.

“So what?” Iwaizumi shouts, and he’s pretty sure that of all the stupid things Oikawa has ever done, this is the one that has made him maddest, because he’s not just doubting himself this time—he’s doubting Iwaizumi. “So what if we end up doing different things in different places, Shittykawa? What do you think is going to happen?” he shouts. “In case you haven’t noticed, I love you, you idiot, and a little distance isn’t going to change that.”

He’s breathing hard like he just finished Quidditch practice, and glaring at Oikawa.

He sees Oikawa’s face crumple, and holds out his arms just in time to catch Oikawa as he launches himself forward, and this time the bawling is even grosser than usual, because Oikawa’s nose is also bleeding all over Iwaizumi’s shirt. He’s gotten thinner in the last few weeks, Iwaizumi thinks, and he smells like sweat and broom polish, and this is absolutely disgusting, but Iwaizumi still doesn’t want to let go.

“I love you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa sobs until it turns into weak, sniffling laughter. “But that was the least romantic confession I’ve ever gotten.”

“Get used to it,” Iwaizumi tells him, holding him tight, and he feels a little like crying himself. “You’re stuck with me for life.”

 

* * *

 

When Iwaizumi is three years old and still utterly ignorant about the existence of the wizarding world, he’s playing with a big beetle he caught. He's a little distance from the playground where his mother is chatting with another lady when he hears loud screaming.

He drops his beetle and goes running toward the source of noise where he sees a brown-haired boy wailing and pointing at a small garden snake that looks at least as scared as the boy is.

“It bit me!” the boy cries. “It bit me! It’s so gross and poisonous and it bit me!”

“Shut up,” Iwaizumi says.

“I’m going to die!” the boy wails louder.

“No you’re not,” Iwaizumi says. “It’s a garden snake so it’s not poisonous.”

“It is!” the boy insists. "Get it away! Get it away!"

Iwaizumi bends forward and picks the snake up by the tail, which only makes the boy scream and wail louder. With some regret because it would have made a great pet, Iwaizumi tosses the snake into the bushes and hears it slither off in a hurry.

“There, it’s gone,” Iwaizumi says.

The boy finally opens his eyes, one at a time, and when he sees the snake is, indeed, gone, he beams at Iwaizumi, wide and teary. “You saved me,” he says, which is a bit of exaggeration even for a three-year-old. “Now we’re best friends forever,” he says, but it sounds like a question and he’s twisting his hands into his grubby shirt.

“Okay,” Iwaizumi says.

 

* * *

 

On graduation night, Iwaizumi lies in bed as Oikawa traces patterns onto his bare chest. They’re both naked, pressed skin to skin, so Iwaizumi immediately notices when Oikawa stiffens in his arms.

“You know what I just realized, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa says.

“What?” Iwaizumi says, content and sleepy.

“Remember our first day in Divination?” Oikawa says and shifts so he can look up at Iwaizumi. “And how I looked in your tea grounds and saw—”

“No,” Iwaizumi groans.

“Yes,” Oikawa says, delighted.

 

* * *

End.

* * *

 

 

1First, because Oikawa is battling a dragon and it’s dangerous. Second, because Oikawa will never shut up if his perfect hair gets singed. And third, because _dragons_. [return to text]

2Oikawa had passed out charmed badges to everyone who came. When pressed, they sang “Kageyama is a loser! Oikawa-san is CHAMPION!” because even though Kageyama is only fourteen and ineligible to even participate in the Triwizard Tournament, Oikawa has never been particularly rational about his insecurities. The badges plagued the school for three days before Iwaizumi used his authority as Slytherin prefect to confiscate them.[return to text]

3And only because bribery had been the only way to get Oikawa to stop practicing after the first Quidditch game of the year when they’d lost to Gryffindor. Iwaizumi regrets ever showing Oikawa the bathroom because he’s sworn off using any other since then.[return to text]

4Especially after they figure out the First Task involves dragons. _Dragons._ That week, Oikawa is the one who suffers through Iwaizumi’s mourning until he somehow charms his way into getting one of the dragonologists to show Iwaizumi around the corral. Iwaizumi’s new life goal is to someday ride one of the great reptiles. [return to text]

5They met Matsukawa and Hanamaki in their first year—both half-bloods in Slytherin and therefore not particularly welcome either. The four had become fast friends, which Iwaizumi regrets every time Matsukawa and Hanamaki throw another dungbomb in an unsuspecting students’ potion or let out a plague of chocolate frogs in the Great Hall. [return to text]

6Everyone in Hogwarts knows they’re best friends. It’s gotten to the point where Iwaizumi gets stopped in hallways and asked where Oikawa is by everyone from professors to teammates to girls who want to give him spelled chocolates—the worst part is, Iwaizumi usually does know where Oikawa is.[return to text]

7Oikawa has not stopped complaining about how unfair it is that prefects get their own rooms, but the captains of the Quidditch teams don’t even get a separate locker. Therefore, in the name of justice, whatever is Iwaizumi’s is also Oikawa’s, and that includes Iwaizumi’s room.[return to text]

8Iwaizumi is forced to sneak off campus and to the Muggle world to blow fifty quid on milkbread before Oikawa will forgive him.[return to text]

9While Oikawa is a good enough player that Iwaizumi isn’t surprised other people know about him, he is surprised that Ushijima, for all his prowess on the field, is a social incompetent and total ass in real life.[return to text]

10Oikawa is the only one out of them who not only can stand Arithmancy, but loves it almost as much as he loved Divination, which is an equally unreliable branch of magic in Iwaizumi’s opinion.[return to text]

11The truth is, once Oikawa showed Iwaizumi the miniature dragon he drew out from a bag to determine the dragon he’d battle, Iwaizumi secretly kidnapped it back to his room. He’s pretty sure the Opaleye likes him more than Oikawa anyway because it’s taken to snuggling up on Iwaizumi’s pillow at night and still tries to bite Oikawa every time he comes in the room.[return to text]

12The sad thing is that a ghost crushing on Oikawa isn’t even that surprising to Iwaizumi. There had been such a plague of girls asking Oikawa out last Valentine’s that the Charms professor had been convinced Oikawa had dumped some kind of love potion on himself.[return to text]

13Iwaizumi isn’t sure if it’s more disturbing that Matsukawa is certain he and Oikawa are going to make use of condoms after the ball—possibly make use of them five times—or that Matsukawa may or may not think Oikawa can get pregnant.[return to text]

14Dating Oikawa is a full-time commitment all on its own. Iwaizumi had thought it was bad when they weren’t dating, but Oikawa has now dropped all pretense of not living in Iwaizumi’s room now. This is confirmed when Hanamaki follows him back to his room after class one day, and Iwaizumi realizes it’s because he has something to discuss with Oikawa and not him, and Hanamaki hasn’t even bothered to go look in the dorms first.[return to text]

15Oikawa is not particularly cooperative because, as he reminds Iwaizumi, “There’s a reason I’m not in Care of Magical Creatures with you, Iwa-chan! They’re so gross and nasty!” to which Iwaizumi feels obligated to say, “ _You’re_ gross and nasty,” and Oikawa sinks his own ship to watch the captain go down in order to say, “And that’s why you love us both.” [return to text]


End file.
